Sunday, May 26, 2024

Riddles and jokes for a spring day in May

I don't know about you, but I really need something to distract me from all the news about Putin and Ukraine, the Middle East and Donald Trump (the most dangerous man in the world).  By the way, dictators and authoritarians lack a sense of humour.  They can's laugh at themselves.  Trump is a perfect example.  That's why he refused to attend the White House Correspondent's' Dinner during his time in the Oval Office.  He just couldn't take being the butt of jokes in the 2011 dinner by then-President Barack Obama and comedian Seth Myers.  In contrast, Obama is able to joke about his big ears and his shortcomings.  Can you imagine Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin or Putin poking fun at themselves?  

So, since I believe in the old adage that laughter is the best medicine, here are some riddles and jokes for a spring day.

A 103-year-old-man was asked what was so great about being 103.

He replied, "There's no peer pressure."

What can go through a window, but doesn't break it?

Answer: Sunlight

What do you call two physicians in a cab?

Answer: A paradox

What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?

Answer: A promise

What breaks, yet never falls, and what falls, yet never breaks?

Answer: Day and night

You see a boat filled with people, but there isn't a single person aboard.  How is that possible?

Answer: All the people on the boat are married.

What can you keep after giving it to someone?

Answer: Your word

What has a neck but no head?

Answer: A bottle

I have no life, but I can die.  What am I?

Answer: A battery

What do you call a pony with a cough?

Answer: A little horse.

What's the best thing about Switzerland?  I don't know but the flag is a big plus.

A woman in labour suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't!  Wouldn't!  Couldn't!  Didn't!  Can't!

"Don't worry," said the doctor.  "Those are just contractions."

Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

They always take things literally.

- Compiled by Joanne