The Mysterious Death of Alexander the Great

Alexander the Great may have conquered much of the ancient world, but he was not successful in living a long life.  In fact, he was only 32 years old when he died.  Death was the one thing, it seems, that he could not conquer with his military prowess.

Alexander III, was a Greek king of Macedon.  He was born in Pella, the affluent capital of the kingdom.  While a teenager, Alexander was tutored by the philosopher Aristotle.  He ascended the throne in 336 B.C. when his  father, Philip II, was assassinated by his chief bodyguard, a young Macedonian noble named Paunsanias of Orestes.  The assassination occurred at a wedding ceremony in Aegae, the old capital of Macedonia.

After his father's death, Alexander built one of the largest armies in the ancient world and created a huge empire that stretched from Greece to northwestern India.  He spread Greek culture and many places bore his name, the most famous being the city of Alexandria, Egypt.  It all came to an end, however, with his shocking and unexpected passing.

The exact cause of Alexander the Great's death remains unknown, although it has been the subject of scholarly debate for centuries.  His demise has been attributed to poison, malaria, typhoid fever, alcoholic liver disease and a variety of other disorders.  The circumstances surrounding his death have also been the subject of much debate and speculation.  There is no agreement as to whether Alexander died of disease or whether he was secretly murdered.  The only undisputed facts are that he died in early June of 323 B.C. at the palace of King Nebuchadnezzer II in Babylon after experiencing an illness for days.

In May of 323 B.C. Alexander arrived in Babylon, an important city in ancient Mesopotamia, near present-day Baghdad,  After 13 years of military campaigning and building an empire, he decided to take some time to rest and plan his next conquest.  While in Babylon, he attended a dinner party at the home of his friend, Medius of Larisa.  There was a great deal of drinking late into the night.  After complaining that he did not feel well, the warrior king fell asleep with a high fever.

Below is a brief excerpt from an account Alexander's "ten day" illness.  It was written by Arrian, a Greek historian, about 350 years after Alexander's death.  Arrian's account is based on the Royal Diaries, journals of Alexander's campaigns, written by contemporaries of the prominent military leader.

A few days later he (Alexander) had performed the divine sacrifices (those prescribed for good fortune and others suggested by the priests) and was drinking far into the night with some friends. He is said to have distributed sacrificial victims and wine to the army by detachments and companies. Some state that he wanted to leave the drinking-party and go to bed, but then Medius met him, the most trusty of his Companions, and asked him to a party, for he promised that it would be a good one.

Day 1
The Royal Diaries tell us that he drank and caroused with Medius. Later he rose, had a bath and slept. He then returned to have dinner with Medius and again drank far into the night. Leaving the drinking, he bathed, after which he had a little to eat and went to sleep there. The fever was already on him.

Another account of Alexander the Great's death, written by Greek historian Diodorus Siculus during the 1st century B.C., states that the Macedonian king was struck with pain after imbibing a large bowl of unmixed wine as a tribute to the Greek god Hercules.  According to Diodorus, Alexander "shrieked as if smitten by a violent blow." after drinking from the cup.

. . . and finally, filling a huge beaker, downed it at a gulp. Instantly He shrieked aloud as if smitten by a violent blow and was conducted by his Friends, who led him by the hand back to his apartments. His chamberlains put him to bed and attended him closely, but the pain increased and the physicians were summoned. No one was able to do anything helpful and Alexander continued in great discomfort and acute suffering. When he, at length, despaired of life, he took off his ring and handed it to Perdiccas. His Friends asked: “To whom do you leave the kingdom?” and he replied: “To the strongest.” He added, and these were his last words, that all of his leading Friends would stage a vast contest in honour of his funeral. This was how he died after a reign of twelve years and seven months. He accomplished greater deeds than any, not only of the kings who had lived before him but also of those who were to come later down to our time.

There are several accounts of Alexander the Great's death and some mention the theory that he met with foul play such as arsenic poisoning.

In 2014, Dr. Leo Schep, a toxicologist from New Zealand's National Poisons Centre, released the results of his research into Alexander's death.  Dr. Schep's research shows that Alexander may have been killed by toxic wine made from an innocuous-looking plant.  Schep contends that it was most likely Veratrum album, a poisonous plant from the lily family, also called white or false hellebore.  He contends that his theory would be compatible with Diodorus' account of Alexander's death.

Veratrum album was used by the ancient Greeks as part of an herbal treatment to induce vomiting. According to Dr. Schep, that would account for the long period it took for Alexander to die, the toxicologist  rules out arsenic as death would have occurred sooner.  Despite his findings, however, Schep does not claim to have completely solved the mystery of Alexander's death.  He is quoted in The Independent, a British online paper, as saying that, "We'll never know, really."  He admits that his theory and the actual cause of Alexander's death, can never be conclusively proven.

Alexander the Great died undefeated in battle.  After his sudden death, there was no immediate successor.  His empire, therefore, was divided among four of his generals (known as the "diadochi" (successors). This led to a series of civil wars and the empire eventually fell apart.


END NOTES

* Due to some descriptions of Alexander the Great in ancient documents,  there is reason to believe that he had a medical condition called heterochromia of the eye (eyes of different colour).  British scholar Peter Green surmised that Alexander had one blue eye and one brown eye.

* In 327 B.C., Alexander married Roxane, the daughter of a Persian nobleman. Roxane was from Bactria, a province of the Persian empire located in modern Afghanistan, Uzbekistan and Tajikistan. Alexander met her when he conquered Bactria between 329-327 B.C.  Roxane was pregnant at the time of Alexander's death  Their child, a son, became Alexander IV.

Here is how the Greek historian Plutarch describes the meeting and marriage of Alexander the Great and Roxane:

As for his marriage with Roxana, whose youthfulness and beauty had charmed him at a drinking entertainment, where he first happened to see her taking part in a dance, it was indeed a love affair, yet it seemed at the same time to be conducive to the object he had in hand. For it gratified the conquered people to see him choose a wife from among themselves


Below is a 1756 painting of Alexander and Roxane by Italian Baroque artist Pietro Rotari.

Alexander IV and his mother, Roxane, were killed circa 310 B.C. by Cassander, one of the four generals (diadochi) who had succeeded Alexander.  A peace treaty had been signed stipulating that young Alexander would be sole ruler of the empire when he came of age in 305 B.C.  However, Cassander became king of Macedon that year instead.


- Joanne

Tom Longboat: Canadian champion, Aboriginal hero

Though most young Canadians have never heard of Tom Longboat, in the early 20th century he was one of the most famous athletes in the western world.

- Historica Canada


Thomas Charles Longboat, one of the greatest athletes to wear the Maple Leaf, was born at the Six Nations Reserve in Ohsweken, Ontario (near Brantford), His birth date has been disputed, but it is generally thought to be June 4, 1887 (Some sources, including The Canadian Encyclopedia), state that he was born on July 4, 1887, while others cite June 4, 1886).  If the June 4th, 1887 date is correct, then the celebrated long distance runner came into this world 129 years ago today.  He was a member of the Onondaga people, one of the original five constituent nations of the Iroquois.  His native name was Cogwagee, which means "Everything."

Tom Longboat was the second of three children and his father died when he was five years old.  At about 12 years of age, he was enrolled at the Mohawk Institute Residential School, where he was pressured to relinquish his native culture and language. Longboat deeply resented the school and escaped to the home of his uncle.  In later years, when he was invited to speak at the institute, he remarked with disdain, "I wouldn't even send my dog to that place."

Longboat began racing competitively in the spring of 1905 when he ran in the Victoria Day Race at Caledonia, Ontario.  He was noticed by another Six Nations runner, Bill Davis, who had finished second in the 1901 Boston Marathon.  Davis was impressed with Longboat's athletic talent and they began training together in preparation for the Around the Bay Road Race in Hamilton, Ontario.  On October 18, 1906. Longboat won the Hamilton event by over three minutes.  It was his first significant competitive victory.

On April 19, 1907, at the age of 19, Tom Longboat competed in the prestigious Boston Marathon against 123 other runners.  It was a cold and rainy day, but throngs of people lined the streets to witness the event.  Longboat won the world-renowned race in spectacular fashion, setting a new course record that was five minutes faster than the previous one and earning himself international recognition.

Here is the front page of the Boston Post with its headline on the 1907 Boston Marathon.

Here are two excerpts from the Boston Globe's report on the 1907 Boston Marathon.

From the Boston Globe, April 20, 1907

FASTEST MARATHON EVER RUN WON BY LONGBOAT
RECORD CLIPPED BY INDIAN YOUTH
Caffrey's Time Improved by About Five Minutes
Fowler, Himself a Mark-Shaver, Half-Mile Behind at Finish

Thomas Longboat, a full-blooded Indian from Hamilton, Ont., won the famous B.A.A. Marathon race of 25 miles from Ashland to Boston yesterday in 2h 24m 24s, beating the record for the course 2h 29m 23 3-5s, which was made by J.J. Caffrey, also of Hamilton, in 1901, when the latter won the race for the second time. 

                                                                       * * *

The thousands of persons who lined the streets from Ashland to the B.A.A. were well repaid for the hours of waiting in the rain and chilly winter weather, for they saw in Tom Longboat the most marvelous runner who has ever sped over our roads. With a smile for everyone, he raced along and at the finish he looked anything but like a youth who had covered more miles in a couple of hours than the average man walks in a week. Gaining speed with each stride, encouraged by the wild shouts of the multitude, the bronze-colored youth with jet black hair and eyes, long, lithe body and spindle legs, swept toward the goal. 

After his victory in Boston Marathon, Tom Longboat focused his attention on the 1908 Olympics in London, England. Unfortunately, the 1908 Olympics marathon ended in heartbreak and disappointment for the young competitor.  It was a hot day and the route was a lengthy 26.2 miles. Longboat and some other participants collapsed from exhaustion, including Italian runner, Dorando Pietri.  Longboat was in second place when he collapsed near the 20-mile mark. He was forced to leave the race. Pietri's collapse occurred in the final metres of the race, when he was leading the field. After receiving assistance from officials, he was able to cross the finish line in first place. American Johnny Hayes, who had finished second, protested the results.  Pietri was subsequently disqualified.and Hayes was awarded the gold medal.

Below is a photo of Tom Lomboat (No. 72), leading the pack at the 1908 Olympics in London as the runners leave Windsor Castle.  Behind Longboat is Dorando Pietri (No. 19)/

After the Olympics, Tom Longboat decided to turn professional, competing indoors for prize money. As a professional, Tom became king of the match-race circuit at a time when there was a public craze for long-distance running.  On December 15, 1908, he challenged Dorando Pietri, who had already beaten Johnny Hayes in a rematch between the two.  The setting was Madison Square Garden in New York City. With six laps left, Pietri collapsed and had to be removed from the track.

On December 28, 1908, Tom Longboat married Lauretta Maracle, a Mohawk school teacher on the Tyendinaga Reserve. The ceremony was held on stage at Massey Hall in Toronto.  Soon after, on February 6, 1909, he went head to head with prominent British runner Alfred "Alfie" Shrubb in a contest to determine "the World's Professional Marathon Champion."  Their highly-publicized showdown took place at Madison Square Garden before a sold-out crowd of 12,000 and it was billed as the race of the century.  Shrubb took a ten-lap lead, but Longboat, came from behind to pass him and win the race.

Alfie Shrubb became Longboat's greatest rival on the circuit.  The two engaged in a number of match races in front of enormous crowds with Longboat besting Shrubb at distances over 20 miles and Scrubb winning the shorter races.

Tom Longboat's rival, Alfred Shrubb

In 1911, after some much-publicized disagreements with his managers, Longboat bought out his own contract.  He was determined to use his own training methods, although he was criticized for his supposedly relaxed attitude.  In fact, his one-time trainer, Mike Flanagan, had walked out on him before his showdown with Alfie Schrubb, telling the Globe that Longboat was "the most contrary piece of furniture I have ever had anything to do with."  Despite the criticism, Longboat continued to have success as a professional.  By about 1912, however, the public's passion for marathon running began to fade and the outbreak of an international conflict,in 1914 changed everything.

In February of 1916, Tom Longboat enlisted in World War I.  During the war, he served as a dispatch runner for the 107th Pioneer Battalion in France, assigned to the dangerous task of delivering messages and orders between units.  He kept in competitive shape by  racing in inter-battalion sporting contests (He won the eight-mile-long race at the Canadian Corps Dominion Day celebrations).  According to Veterans Affairs Canada, Longboat was wounded twice during his service overseas. However, the injuries were not mentioned in his military service record.

Despite having been mistakenly reported dead, Tom Longboat managed to survive the war.  He was discharged in 1919, but upon returning home he soon discovered that his wife, Lauretta, believing him to be deceased, had remarried.  According to David Blaikie, author of Boston: The Canadian Story, Lauretta chose to remain in her new marriage,  Longboat later wed Martha Silversmith, an Onondagan, with whom he had four children.  According to a piece on the website of the Loyal American Hall of Honour, Bay of Quite Branch, Martha was the sister of Canadian First Nations actor Jay Silverheels, who portrayed Tonto in the old Lone Ranger television series.  Silverheels was born Harry J. Smith at the Six Nations Reserve near Brantford.  He was also known as Harry Silversmith.

After the war, Tom Longboat moved out west to secure a land grant in recognition for his military service.  He settled near Edmonton, Alberta, where he was a homesteader and performed odd jobs.  In 1922, he returned to Toronto. At first, he worked for the Dunlop Rubber Co. and then at steel mills in Hamilton and Buffalo.  He was laid of in 1926, but soon found employment with the City of Toronto's street-cleaning department.  According to an article by Peter Unwin in Canada's History magazine, Longboat toiled at that job "faithfully for 19 years"  He "drove horses, swept leaves, and collected garbage."

Tragedy hit the Longboat and his family in 1932.  Following Tom's participation in a radio interview at the Canadian National Exhibition , his five-year-old son, Clifford, was struck by a car and killed. Unwin's article in Canada's History states that the child's mother, Martha, saved the CNE pennant she had bought that day and kept it for the remainder of her life.

In 1944, Tom Longboat retired to the Six Nations Reserve where he died of pneumonia on January 9, 1949 at the age of 61 or 62.  Roger Robinson, I think, summed up Longboat's achievements best when he wrote the following in Canadian Runner magazine (May 16, 2014):

Tom Longboat was he only Canadian distance runner so far to prove himself definitively as the world’s best, and he did it three times: once at Boston and twice at Madison Square Garden. But Longboat’s historical importance reaches beyond Canada. He was the first world-class non-white marathon runner.



END NOTES

* In 2010, the Ontario Legislature passed a bill declaring June 4 Tom Longboat Day.

* Alfie Shrubb went on to coach the Harvard University cross-country team and the Oxford University Athletics Club.  Interestingly enough, he settled permanently in Canada in 1928, making his home in Bowmanville, Ontario.  He died in Bowmanville on April 23, 1964 at the age of 84.  The

* After his disqualification from the 1998 Olympics marathon, Dorando Pietri was awarded a gilded silver cup by Britain's Queen Alexandra.

* During World War II, Tom Longboat served as a member of the Veterans Guard and was stationed
at a military camp near Brantford, Ontario.

* Tom Longboat has been inducted into the Canadian Indian Hall of Fame and the Canadian Sports Hall of Fame.  A school in Toronto has been named after him.


- Joanne

Nurses: Uniforms and Scrubs

Above is the old image of a nurse - female, white uniform and cap.  Nurses, of course, haven't looked like that for a long time now.  In the United States and the UK, for example, about 10 per cent of nurses are male.  A 2013 study for the U.S. Census Bureau reported that the number of males in the profession has more than tripled since the 1970s.

An increasing number on males are becoming nurses

The image of nurses has undergone a major transformation over the years.  Think of  Florence Nightingale (1820-1910), the founder of modern nursing, or Cherry Ames, the main character in a series hospital mystery novels published between 1943 and 1968.  Nightingale and the fictional Cherry Ames, bear scant resemblance to today's nurses. Although today's nurses are just as dedicated, they certainly have a different appearance.

Florence Nighingale

Cherry Anes

It is highly unlikely that nurses are ever going to revert to wearing all-white uniforms. The main reason is that most nurses don't want to wear the traditional uniforms. They argue that white uniforms stain more easily and are more expensive to clean.  In addition, they are not suited to the increasing number of males in the nursing profession. Scrubs are preferred because they are considered more comfortable and more practical.

However, the absence of white uniforms has created some difficulty and also some discombobulation. Identifying nurses has become far more problematic for hospital patients and visitors  It is not often easy to distinguish them from doctors, lab technicians and other medical personnel in hospitals.  They all seem to be wearing scrubs. Perplexed patients are frequently left wondering which person in scrubs is a nurse.  I underwent a surgical procedure last summer and found it quite a challenge to identify the nurses.

Here is my point.  In order to avoid confusion, there should be a clearer way to identify and distinguish nurses.  Name tags don't really solve the problem.  They are not easy to read from a distance, especially for those of us with poor eyesight.  It is evident that nurses require some type of identifying feature, or perhaps they could wear comfortable non-white uniforms.  There has to be a better way.


- Joanne

Barack Obama: His Legacy

Rather than protect wasteful tax loopholes for the few at the top, we should be investing more in things like education and job creation and job training that we know grow the economy for everybody.  And rather than lock in tax breaks for millionaires, or make it harder to actually enforce existing laws, let’s give tax breaks to help working families pay for child care or for college. And let’s stop rewarding companies that are shipping jobs overseas and profit overseas, and start rewarding companies that create jobs right here.

- President Barack Obama
James S. Brady Press Briefing Room, April 5, 2016


As Barack Obama nears the end of his presidency, the 44th President of the United States must be reflecting on his legacy. He's had a rough time in office due to the machinations of conservative Republicans and Tea Party supporters. Will history treat him more kindly?  I certainly hope so.

Let me be clear.  I am not an apologist for President Obama or any politician.  I'm not saying that Obama's a 21st century Abraham Lincoln.  I'm merely arguing that he has been underappreciated and underrated.

From the beginning of his first term in office, Republicans and Fox News tried to discredit him.  They endeavoured to portray him as an outsider, a foreigner and "not one of us."  The so-called "birthers," including Donald Trump, claimed that he wasn't really born in Hawaii and that he was probably born in Kenya or Indonesia.  His middle name is "Hussein," so they implied that he had sympathy for Islamic extremism.  What utter nonsense!  What claptrap!  Unfortunately, too many Americans were hoodwinked.  According to polls, they actually believed this to be true.

Soon after his inauguration, President Obama had to deal with the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression.  His steady hand and his investment in infrastructure helped the United States through a crisis that wouldn't have happened if there had been more regulations on American financial institutions.

In addition, Obama inherited the fallout from George W. Bush's ill-advised and ill-fated invasion of Iraq.  According to a 2013 report by scholars from the "Costs of War" project at Brown University's Watson Institute for International Studies, more than 190,000 people had been killed in the decade since the invasion began in 2003.  The war will cost the United States $2;2 trillion, including the funds needed to provide for veterans until 2053.

Every step of the way, the Republican-controlled Congress has tried to impede Obama's attempts at progress.  For example, the President supports more stringent gun-control legislation.  He is sickened by the preponderance of gun violence in the United States, particularly after the tragic shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut.  In fact, he told the BBC that his failure to pass "common sense gun safety laws" in the United States "even in the face of mass killings" is the biggest frustration of his presidency.

President Obama has been called a "socialist" because of the Affordable Care Act, colloquially known as "Obamacare."  He has been called a "socialist" because he has endeavoured to provide health coverage to the vulnerable and he has opposed tax breaks for the most wealthy segment of American society.

Here's what President Obama has accomplished:

* Over 20 million Americans who didn't have health insurance before, have it now.  Ask them if they'd be willing to go without health insurance again.

* The current U.S. unemployment rate (April 2016) is 5 per cent.  When Obama took office in January of 2009, it was 7.8 per cent.  In 2008, the last year of George W. Bush's presidency, the jobless rate jumped from 5 percent to 7.3 percent.  In October of 2009, during the economic downturn caused by the Great Recession, the unemployment rate rose to 10 per cent, the highest level of Barack  It decreased steadily from then on.

Here is a chart, provided by the U.S, Bureau of Labor, showing the U.S. unemployment rate from 2006 to the present.

Year	Jan	Feb	Mar	Apr	May	Jun	Jul	Aug	Sep	Oct	Nov	Dec
2006	4.7	4.8	4.7	4.7	4.6	4.6	4.7	4.7	4.5	4.4	4.5	4.4
2007	4.6	4.5	4.4	4.5	4.4	4.6	4.7	4.6	4.7	4.7	4.7	5.0
2008	5.0	4.9	5.1	5.0	5.4	5.6	5.8	6.1	6.1	6.5	6.8	7.3
2009	7.8	8.3	8.7	9.0	9.4	9.5	9.5	9.6	9.8	10.0	9.9	9.9
2010	9.8	9.8	9.9	9.9	9.6	9.4	9.4	9.5	9.5	9.4	9.8	9.3
2011	9.1	9.0	9.0	9.1	9.0	9.1	9.0	9.0	9.0	8.8	8.6	8.5
2012	8.3	8.3	8.2	8.2	8.2	8.2	8.2	8.1	7.8	7.8	7.7	7.9
2013	8.0	7.7	7.5	7.6	7.5	7.5	7.3	7.3	7.3	7.2	6.9	6.7
2014	6.6	6.7	6.7	6.2	6.2	6.1	6.2	6.2	6.0	5.7	5.8	5.6
2015	5.7	5.5	5.5	5.4	5.5	5.3	5.3	5.1	5.1	5.0	5.0	5.0
2016	4.9	4.9	5.0	5.0

* In his recent statement on the economy, Obama called on the Republican-controlled Congress to close corporate tax loopholes such as "inversions," a kind of merger in which an American company purchases a foreign counterpart and then relocates to that county in order to reduce its taxes.

* He has taken action on climate change while right-wing Republicans refuse to accept the severity of the situation.  Despite reliable scientific evidence to the contrary, they deny that it is a problem or they hide their heads in the sand.

* He has restored diplomatic relations with Iran and removed many economic sanctions against the country in exchange for the limiting of Iran's nuclear program.  This may not be a perfect deal, but it's certainly preferable to tension between the two nations and uncertainty about Iran's nuclear intentions.  Not surprisingly, Donald Trump, the Republican Party's presumptive nominee for president, has been vocal in his criticism of the deal and has stated that he would revamp it.

During his final year in office, Obama has seemed more relaxed.  He doesn't have to be concerned with being re-elected, so he has a freer reign to do accomplish what he wants.  He can really be himself and fight for what he believes.  It's unfortunate, though, that during he two terms in office, race relations do not seem to have improved in America.  As the first African-American U.S, president, Obama has had a historic opportunity to make significant progress in that area.  It seems to me that he just hasn't been particularly successful in soothing strains between blacks and whites.

On Friday, May 27, 2016, Barack Obama will make a historic visit to Hiroshima, Japan, where the first atom bomb was dropped by the United States on August 6, 1945.  He will become the first sitting U.S. president to tour the site of the world's first nuclear bombing, where he will be accompanied by Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe.

This is a bold move on the part of the President and the prospect of Obama travelling to Hiroshima has stirred up controversy. He will, however, stop short of apologizing for American actions in 1945. He told Reuters news agency that the main purpose of the visit is to "reflect on the nature of war" and the suffering it causes.  He said it's "a happy story about how former adversaries came together to become one of the closest partnerships and closest allies in the world."


- Joanne

Fun with Words: Paraprosdokians

One of my interests is having fun with language. I really enjoy word games, figures of speech  and wordplays.  Among my favourites are paraprosdokians.  That's right - paraprosdokians.  It's quite a mouthful, isn't it.  It sounds like the name of a creature in J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings.  

"The term "paraprosdokian" is derived from Greek words meaning "against" and "expectation."  A paraprosdokian is actually a literary device in which the last part of the sentence or phrase is surprising, shocking or unexpected.  It can be found in prose and poetry and has been described as a "linguistic U-turn."  In baseball parlance, a paraprosodokian is a phrase that "throws you a curve."  The latter part of the phrase causes you to rethink the first part.

Former British prime minister Winston Churchill was an absolute master of paraprodokians.  An example of a Chuchillian paraprosdokian is "There but for the grace of God - goes God."  Sir Winiston also once famously remarked: "You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing - after they have tried everything else."  He reportedly described his political rival, Clement Attllee, as "a modest man, who has much to be modest about."  Concerning democracy, Churchill made this well-known declaration: "It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried."  He had some advice too:  "If you are going through hell, keep going."

Churchill: A master of paraprosdokians

Paraprosodokians are often employed by comedians and satirists for humorous or dramatic purposes, Stand-up comics frequently use "one-liners" because the set-up and the punch line are in a single line. Henny Youngman's "Take my wife . . .please!" is perhaps the most famous one-liner.

Not surprisingly, comedian Groucho Marx was fond of paraprosdokians.  He uttered the following zinger: "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."  Groucho also uttered this comment: "Time flies like a an arrow, fruit flies like a banana." Here's another one from him:  "I once shot a diplomat in my pyjamas.  How he got in there I'll never know.".  And another:  "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.  Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."" Finally, I just can't resist one more from Groucho:  "She got her good looks from her father.  He's a plastic surgeon."

Groucho Marx

Homer Simpson, the animated star of The Simpsons, has gotten into the act too.  He stated: "If I
could just say a few words . . . I'd be a better public speaker."

Here's one from the much-married Zsa Zsa Gabor:  "He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.”

Albert Einstein has been credited with"the following observation: 'The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."  However, there is no substantive evidence that the brilliant scientist ever made such a statement.

Mahatma Gandhi, the spiritual father of India, proved he could be quite adept at using paraprosdokians. Here is what he once quipped: "What do I think of Western civilization?  I think it would be a very good idea."

This paraprosdokian is attributed to playwright Oscar Wilde: "Some cause happiness wherever they go.  Others whenever they go."

Number 16 presents 35 paraprosdokians for your enjoyment and edification:

1.  If you can't sleep, count sheep.  Don't count endangered animals.  You will run out.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you . . . but it's still on my list.

3.  Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear then speak.

4.  If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5.  We never really grow up - we only learn how to act in public.

6.  War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

7.  Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8.  To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9  I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10, In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify , , , I answered "a doctor." 

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy,

12.  You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13,  I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

14.  To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15.  Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16.  You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17.  I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

18,  They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

19.  Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.
20,  I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paycheques.
21.  Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
22,  A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
23,  Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

24. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.
27. Where there's a will, there are relatives.
28, Of course I agree you're a wit . . . even if your're only half right.
29. Sometimes I pretend to be normal.  But it gets boring . . . so I go back to being me.
30, She often stood outside in order to be outstanding.

31,  Do not argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
32.  The food here is terrible . . . and such small portions.
33.  You don't seem to be yourself lately.  So tell me, what brought about such an improvement?
34.  Your argument about the Middle East is sound . . . nothing but "sound."
35.  The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.

- Joanne

Bugs You'll Want in Your Home

Here is an infographic about bugged-themed furniture and decor.  I  hope you enjoy it.  Perhaps it will provide you with some hone decorating ideas.

- Joanne






Bugs You'll Want In Your Home by Terrys Fabrics.

Lunch in Port Perry, Ontario and Photos

On Wednesday, April 20, my husband and I had lunch in the charming community of Port Perry, Ontario.  Port Perry is located in Scugog Township, northeast of the city of Toronto, just north of Oshawa,  With a population of 8,981 (2011 Census), it lies on the shores of Lake Scugog, an artificially-flooded lake at the basin of the Trent-Severn Waterways.

We visited Port Perry on a beautiful, sunny day, as you can see from the photos.  We lunched at a restaurant called The Pickle and the Olive, where the food was good and our server was very hospitable.  Then we strolled along Port Perry's historic Victorian-era downtown and visited the lovely Scugog Memorial Public Library.

Here is some further  information about Port Perry:

Port Perry is a hub for Scugog Township.  It provides the home for the Scugog Towship's municipal offices.  It also serves as the area's commercial centre with its retail businesses.

Port Perry was first settled in 1821 and incorporated as village in 1871.  It was named after Peter Perry (1792 - 1851), an early settler.  Perry, the son of a United Empire Loyalist, was a businessman and politician in Upper Canada.  He established a store in the community that bears his name.



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Historic post office in downtown Port Perry

Lake Scugog

Pickles and Olives: The bistro where I had lunch 

- Joanne

Attention smokers - Cigarette butts are toxic!

Look at this photo closely.  Isn't it a disgusting sight?  Not only is it unsightly, it is unhealthy and costly. With indoor smoking becoming more and more restricted, smokers are increasingly taking their habit outside.  They often take a few puffs before hopping on a bus and then quickly discard their cigarettes on the ground.  Unfortunately, it's not only bus stops that are surrounded by tobacco litter.  It's parks, beaches, parking lots, university campuses, almost anywhere outdoors.

Today is Earth Day and over 170 countries have signed the Paris agreement on climate change, including Canada's Justin Trudeau.  This Earth Day, here is my modest contribution to cleaning up the planet.  I would like to draw attention to the infinitesimal number of cigarette butts on the streets of our cities and towns.  Perhaps many smokers do not fully realize the damage they are doing to the environment and to public health when they flick their cigarettes on the ground.  Perhaps they don't regard it as littering.  Make no mistake, though.  It is littering and it is extremely harmful to humans and to domestic and wildlife animals.  

The sheer volume of cigarette debris is bad enough.  However, it is far worse than other garbage lying about.  Cigarette butts can remain on the ground for years, leaking toxic chemicals into the environment.  According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, cigarettes contain almost 4,000 chemicals, About 50 of them are carcinogenic.  Here is a list of some of these chemicals: arsenic, acetone, ammonia, benzene, cadmium, formaldehyde, lead and toluene.

In 2009, scientific researchers at San Diego State University stated that cigarette butts are toxic to fish and should be treated as toxic hazardous waste.  A cigarette butt with just a small amount of unburnt tobacco can contaminate a litre of water and kill half the fish in it.  Others animals also eat improperly disposed butts and quite frequently die as a result.

Here are some other facts you should know:

CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, CIGARETTE BUTTS ARE NOT BIODEGRADABLE!

Cigarette filters are composed of cellulose-acetate, which does not biodegrade.  When cigarette butts are discarded outside of buildings and parking lots, they can be transported via storm drains to streams, rivers, lakes and beaches.  They contaminate our water supply.

According to research by the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, cigarette debris is responsible for the deaths of at least one million sea birds and 100,000 mammals annually.


CIGARETTE BUTTS ARE THE MOST FREQUENTLY DISCARDED WASTE AROUND THE WORLD.  

Trillions of cigarette butts end up as litter every year.


IN DRY WEATHER, CIGARETTE BUTTS ARE A SERIOUS FIRE HAZARD.

Cigarettes butts discarded on to a pile of leaves or in a grassy area can smolder for several hours after the smoker has finished smoking. This results in forest fires and roadside fires.  The cost in terms of the loss human life and the destruction of animal and plant life is incalculable and tragic.  The cost in terms of property damage is extremely high and everyone must pay.

One word best describes cigarette butt litter.  That word is "vile."  Public education is urgently needed.  More and better methods for disposing of cigarette butts are required.  There should be a larger number of places to discard tobacco residue outdoors.  If this blog post can persuade even one smoker to stop throwing butts on the ground, it will be well worth the time and effort.  Please, smokers, be much more careful about where you discard your cigarette butts.  Remember too that it is dangerous to flick cigarette butts out of car windows.  Many of you wouldn't thinking of throwing candy wrappers on the ground. Why, then, do you poison the environment with your toxic cigarette butts?


- Joanne

Small shoe sizes

As anyone with small feet can attest to, it isn't easy finding shoes in small sizes these day.  I take a size 5 or even a 4 1/2. Some stores carry size 5, but they don't provide a good selection.  In fact, the pickings are usually quite slim.  I sometimes buy sneakers in children's sizes. as long as they don't look too juvenile, but that is not as easy to do with other types of shoes.

Some people have advised me to purchase footwear online.  However, I really don't won't to buy shoes without trying them on first.  Yes, I know I can return them if they don't fit properly.  I am well aware that Amazon,com, ebay.com and many other websites offer small sizes for women.  Yet I'd prefer to just walk out of a store with shoes that fit.

Do I only have a choice between shopping for shoes online and the sparce selection of small sizes offered in stores?  I know there are many people out there who have the same problem.  I'd like to hear from you.  Tell me what you do and I will post your suggestions.  This will help me and others who take a small shoe size.


- Joanne                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Spring Cleaning for the Resourceful

Are you doing some spring cleaning right now?  If so, you might appreciate this infographic.  It contains some helpful tips.  Learn how you can use toothpaste, ketchup, vodka and baking soda to assist you in removing stains and shining items.

- Joanne



No Cleaning Products, No Problem by The Rug Seller

Richard Carpenter: 33 years after Karen's death

Karen and Richard Carpenter were quite a sister/brother act during the 1970s.  Sadly, Karen died on February 4, 1983 of complications from anorexia nervosa .  She was only 32 years old at the time of her passing.  The story of Karen's tragic death is well documented, but her brother Richard has battled his own demons.

The Carpenters' hectic concert schedule took its toll on both siblings. In his 2010 book Rock Obituaries - Knocking on Heaven's Door (2010), author Nick Talevski wrote:"Constantly on the road since 1970 with their Vegas-style act, both Karen and Richard Carpenter were in ill health by late 1975. With Karen's weight down to 80 pounds (36.3 kilograms), sold-out tours to Japan and the United Kingdom had to be cancelled.  Richard, meanwhile, had become addicted to a prescription drug, Quaalude."

The pressure on the duo was overwhelming.  Something had to give and it did.  Karen became obsessed with her weight and Richard suffered from depression and insomnia.  He turned to Quaaludes (a sedative) for relief.  In January of 1979, while in a semi-comatose state, he fell down a flight of stairs backstage.  Finally, in an effort to deal with his dependency on the drug, Richard checked himself in to a treatment program at the Menninger Clinic in Topeka, Kansas.  He also decided to take the rest of 1979 off for the sake of his health and well being.

Richard Lynn Carpenter was born on October 15, 1946 in New Haven, Connecticut.  His father, Harold Bertram Carpenter (November 8, 1908 – October 15, 1988), worked in the printing business. His mother, Agnes Reuwer (née Tatum) (March 5, 1915 – November 10, 1996), was a housewife. Richard's only sibling, Karen Anne Carpenter, was also born in New Haven, on March 2, 1950.  In 1963, the family moved to Downey, California, a suburb of Los Angeles.

Karen and Richard with their parents

Richard Carpenter developed an interest in music early in life.  As a child, he listened to the 78s in his father's extensive record collection.  He listened to everything from the classics to big band music. Soon he began asking his parents to buy him some of the records he had heard on the radio.  Among his favourites were Nat King Cole and Perry Como.

Not surprisingly, Richard started to play music himself.  His first instrument was the accordion, but he soon gravitated toward the piano.  As a youngster, he began studying classical piano and eventually pursued his studies at Yale University's Music School. While a teenager, he  performed with a jazz trio at various nightclubs in the New Haven area.

When the Carpenter family moved to southern California, Richard attended Downey High School. During his senior year, he studied music at the University of Southern California at Los Angeles (UCLA) and later at California State College at Long Beach (USCLB).  In 1965, he formed an instrumental group, the Richard Carpenter Trio, with his sister Karen on the drums and a friend, Wes Jacobs, on tuba and bass.  In 1966, the group won the "Battle of the Bands" contest at the Hollywood Bowl after performing "Iced "The Girl from Ipanema" and "Iced Tea," (a jazz waltz written by Richard Carpenter).

Following the Hollywood Bowl competition, the Richard Carpenter Trio signed with RCA and cut 11 tracks at RCA Studios, including the Beatles' "Every Little Thing," "Strangers in the Night," and "Flat Baroque," an original.  The record company decided that the jazz trio did not have commercial potential and decided not to release their recordings.  This lack of confidence prompted Richard, Karen and Wes to accept RCA,s offer to buy out their contract.

In early 1968,Wes Jacobs left the band. After his departure, Karen and Richard formed a new group called Spectrum, a sextet which included Richard's college friend John Bettis, three other students from Calfornia State University at Long Beach and Karen.  Spectrum was short-lived, but the Carpenters continued performing and recording demos. It was Herb Alpert, then head of A&M Records, who signed them to a contract in early April of 1969.  The Carpenters' first album, Offering, was released in November of that year.  The time was all wrong.  Offering made little impact during an era when psychedelic rock predominated. However, the album's accompanying single, a cover of the Beatles' "Ticket to Ride," was well-received by critics.  It also impressed songwriter Burt Bacharach who was to provide Richard and Karen with their first blockbuster hit.

In 1970, the Capenters released a second studio album  "Close to You."  The title track, "(They Long to Be) Close to You," written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David, became the duo's breakthrough song. Originally released as a single by actor Richard Chamberlain of  Dr. Kildare fame in 1963, "Close to You," had also been recorded by Dionne Warwick and released on her 1964 album Make Way for Dionne Warwick.  Bacharch himself released his own version in 1968.  However, it was the Carpenters' version that became a huge hit single, climbing to number one on the Billboard Top 100 and remaining there for four weeks. Richard and Karen followed the success of (They Long to Be) Close to you with another big hit single, "We've Only Just Begun."

"We've Only Just Begun" was originally composed by Paul Williams and Roger Nichols for a Crocker Bank television commercial.  The ad for the San Francisco bank, featured a montage of a couple getting married set to the jingle.  Its tag line was "You've got a long way to go.  We'd like to help you get there."  In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, Williams said that "Roger and I expanded it as a complete song and never in our wildest dreams imagined it would be a hit.  And then an angel sang it. When Karen Carpenter sings your songs, you are blessed."

The Carpenters went on to become one of the most successful bands of the early 1970s with Karen on the drums and lead vocals.  Richard played the piano and sang backup vocals.  For five years, they released hit after hit, including "Rainy Days and Mondays," "Superstar," "Hurting Each Other," "Goodbye to Love," "Yesterday Once More,"  "Top of the World" and "Only Yesterday." During that time, they were one of the most popular recording artists in the world.  By 1976, however, their popularity had declined, as had their record sales.  They were plagued with health problems and their singles were not even reaching the Top 40.

On December 3, 1978, the Carpenters delivered their final public performance. It was a Winter Festival benefit concert at the Pacific Terrace Theatre at California State University in Long Beach.
In 1979 and early 1980, while Richard was taking time off to overcome his dependency on Quaaludes, Karen recorded a solo album in New York with producer Phil Ramone and she was back by Billy Joel's band.  Simply titled Karen Carpenter, the album was shelved until its release on CD by A&M Records in 1996.

On August 31, 1980, Karen Carpenter married real estate developer Thomas James Burris in the Crystal Room of the Beverly Hills Hotel in Beverly Hills, California.   During the ceremony, "Because We're in Love," an original song sung by Karen, was played.  Unfortunately, however, the union was not a happy one and the couple separated after 14 months.

In June of 1981, the Carpenters released Made in America, their last album together.  The album included "Touch Me When We're Dancing,"the last of the Carpenters' singles to reach the Top 40 on the Billboard Hot 100.  Karen and Richard promoted Made in America on TV shows such as Good Morning America and The Merv Griffin Show, performing "(Want You) "Back in My Life Again," another song from the album.  In 1985, Richard told talk show host Larry King that Made in America was Karen's favourite album and is mine, out of all our projects."

In January of 1982, Karen went to New York City to undergo treatment for her eating disorder.  She spent most of the next 11 months in the Big Apple, returning to Los Angeles briefly in April to record some rhythm tracks. After many therapy sessions and a hospital procedure, she returned to L.A, in November, hoping to move forward with her life and her career.  On the morning of February 4, 1983, the day she had planned to finalize her divorce, Karen collapsed at her parents' home in Downey. She was rushed to hospital, but her heart had gone into full cardiac arrest and she died.

Although Karen Carpenter was a talented percussionist, she will always be remembered for her distinctive vocals.  She was a contralto and her voice was rich and hauntingly beautiful.  Carnie Wilson, daughter of the Beach Boys' Brian Wilson, wrote the following tribute to Karen and Richard in her book Gut Feelings: From Fear and Despair to Health and Hope: “I knew I wanted to be a singer when I heard voices like Barbara Streisand and Karen Carpenter. My parents loved the Carpenters, and we played their records all the time at home. It didn’t matter whether you liked that style of music or not. It was the magic in Karen’s voice that was so soothing, and the lushness of the layered harmonies that were like soft clouds of sound.”

While Karen Carpenter was indeed a superb vocalist, her brother Richard displayed a genius for arranging and producing music. He made the most of Karen's unique voice.  The siblings were a team and they complimented each other.

On May 19, 1984, more than a year after Karen's passing, Richard Carpenter married Mary Rudolph, in Downey, California. Mary is Richard's first cousin, the daughter of his mother's sister, Bernice. There have been reports that Mary is Bernice's adopted daughter and not biologically related to Richard.  However, some maintain that this is story is not true and was used to cover up the truth..  Mary's brother, Mark Rudolph, was the Carpenters' road manager.  According to an October 26, 1987 article by Jim Calio in People magazine, the couple met in 1975 when Mark brought Mary backstage in Las Vegas.  According to the article, she and Richard hit it off at their first meeting, so she decided to move from her home in Baltimore to Downey, where he lived.

"I got a job in a bank," Mary old People, "and we stayed together. He wanted to get married when we first met, but I didn't because I was only 18, and I wasn't ready. Then when I was ready, he wasn't. We went back and forth like that for quite a while."  Nine years passed.  When Mary eventually returned to Baltimore to live with her parents, Richard visited at Christmastime and proposed.

At the age of 40, Richard Carpenter became a father for the first time.  He and Mary are the parents of five children (four daughters and a son): Kristi Lynn Carpenter (born August 17, 1987), Traci Tatum Carpenter (born July 25, 1989), Mindi Karen Carpenter (born July 7, 1992), Colin Paul Carpenter (Born 1998) and Taylor Mary Carpenter.(born 2000).  Richard and his offspring perform at various events.

Richard and his wife Mary

Richard and Mary with son, Colin Paul Carpenter and daughter Mindi

Mindi Carpener singing, accompanied by Richard

Editor's Note: the photo below was tagged "Mindi Carpenter." (I can't remove the tag). However, some readers have claimed that it is in fact a photo of Kristi Carpenter.

After Karen's death, a heartbroken Richard worked diligently to preserve the Carpenters' legacy.  He focused on production work and putting together compilations of the Carpenters' recordings.  In 1987, A&M Records released his first solo album.  The album, entitled Time, also featured Dionne Warwick and British soul legend Dusty Springfield.  A single from the album, "Something In Your Eyes," with Springfield on vocals, reached the Top 40 on Adult Contemporary charts.

It was difficult for Richard to record without Karen for the first time.  He explained to People magazine how much his sister's absence upset him.   "Here I was," he said, "working alone when we had always been a team, working with the same engineer, the same musicians and in the same studios, and no Karen."

In 1997, ten years after his solo debut with Time, Richard released a second solo album.  Entitled Pianist, Arranger, Composer, Conductor, the album is a compilation of instrumental music.  It contains a variety of the Carpenters' best-loved songs ("Yesterday Once More," "Bless the Beasts and Children," "Top of the World," "We've Only Just Begun") and some new material too, including "Karen's Theme," Richard's tribute to his late sister.

On October 15, 2008, the day he turned 62 years old, Richard Carpenter announced the relaunch of his music career at a press conference at the Foreign Correspondents' Club in Tokyo, Japan.  It was called "Richard Carpenter Strikes Back."  His plans included re-release of a Carpenters Christmas album and a tribute album featuring cover versions of Carpenters songs."


END NOTES

* In 1971, the Carpenters had a hit song with a cover of "For All We Know," from the 1970 film Lovers and Other Strangers. The song, originally performed by Larry Meredith, won an Oscar for Best Original Song.  British singer Petuala Clark, rather than the Carpenters, was chosen to sing the tune at the Academy Awards ceremony in 1971 because the Academy preferred to spotlight people associated with film.  On February 6, 1983, three days after Karen Carpenter's death, Clark performed the song in concert as a tribute to Karen.

* The Carpenters met twice with Richard Nixon at the White House, once in 1972 and again in 1973. On May 1, 1973, at Nixon's request, Karen and Richard performed for visiting West German Chancellor Willy Brandt.  The former U.S. president introduced Karen and Richard to the White House audience as "young America at its very best."  When Karen died, Nixon sent a letter to the family expressing his condolences.

The Carpenters with former U.S. president Richard Nixon in 1972

* On December 8, 1976, The Carpenters Very First Television Special aired on the ABC network. The special, featuring John Denver and Victor Borge, received high ratings.  By 1980, Richard and Karen had completed five specials for ABC.

* John Bettis, Richard's good friend and former Spectrum member, wrote the lyrics for several of the Carpenters' hit songs, including "Yesterday Once More" and "Goodbye to Love."

* In 1994, the Richard and Karen Carpenter Performing Arts Center was built on the campus of California State University, Long Beach, where the duo performed their last public concert.  The Carpenter Center has a 1,074-seat capacity.  It accommodates concerts, special events, conferences and the screening of films.  It also contains the Richard and Karen Carpenter Exhibit, a permanent display of the Carpenters' awards and memorabilia.  The centre's website states that Richard Carpenter is a benefactor but is not involved in the facility's day-to-day activity.

* Richard Carpenter and his family currently reside in Thousand Oaks, California.  He and Mary do philanthropic work in Thousand Oaks and are recognized as "Distinguished Grand Patrons of the Arts."

- Joanne